Minimum Wage, Maxiumum Damage- the trials and tribulations of a part-time janitor

I work part-time as a night janitor for a large company in my city. It's a hilarious adventure in race relations that I'll go into at a later date but for all you white collars out there, if you think your desk hasn't been fucked on then you are sorely mistaken. Personally, I take great pride in having taken a dump in the private bathrooms of the CEO, vice-CEO and IT guy. Additionally, I have touched my sack to the artwork on many walls. Think about that the next time you walk past an expensive piece of artwork in the lobby or hallway of a large piercing symbol of capitalism. At one point, someone could have been giggling maniacally while ball dragging it.

I prefer to do it while the painting is on the floor during renovations. It's more degrading to the artist and his art. You aren't violating the painting while it sits majestically where it can be appreciated and worshiped. Finding the painting off to the side, where it has been shunted because functionality has to be addressed and pretty images have no place in an electrical wiring diagram is the kind of sex that you have with nasty girls with father issues that you know is going to lead to all kinds of drama but goddamn SHE BUCKS HER HIPS LIKE A COTTON CANDY MACHINE. In this case, it's an inanimate object and you're touching your balls to the canvas but nonetheless it is exhilarating. Like signing or pissing in a Duchamp, you are part of the art's history.

Tonight's lesson: unmarried Muslim women want dick just like unmarried non-Muslim women. It has taken my co-worker all of one date with the new girl to have her making out with him and grabbing his dick through his jeans. I have already made him promise me he'll have her wear the burka when he smashes it from behind.

You read it, now you can't unread it.